Opinion

Maybe it's time to tell your 'helicopter kids' to buzz off

IN recent weeks, there's been a fair bit of talk about adult children, aged well into their 20s and often their 30s, who are still living in the family home with their parents.

It's not a new topic -- rumblings have been heard since 2006 and indeed there are a few different groups who have heard me speak on the subject.

"Helicopter kids" is a term used to describe these young and not-so-young adults who live with their parents.

Bernard Salt, one of Australia's leading demographic commentators, coined the term in his book, The Big Picture, as a name for the off-spring who "hover around the family home, refusing to fully move out and establish their own household".

There are some family therapists of the opinion that if you treat your 22-year-old like a 12-year-old, by doing their washing and cooking for them and also paying their bills, then you are depriving them of the opportunity to learn crucial skills for living independently.

Of course, money is an area that can become a stumbling block for parental pride.

Sadly, I know many parents who readily admit they've "never said no" to their children, regardless of their age.

While most would agree that it's wonderful knowing your kids want to live with you, admitting that it puts a large financial strain on the household is a real challenge.

Which parents sit down and discuss their personal finances with the adult members of their family?

With investments and superannuation taking a nose-dive due to the recent financial crisis, many parents who were aiming for an early retirement are now scrambling to find the funds to support themselves once they leave the workforce.

Those of their offspring who have enjoyed a life totally funded (thus far) by "The Bank of Mum and Dad" could be forgiven for feeling that their world is having its own personal crisis.

Most parents want to give their kids a financial start in life.

By allowing them to live in the family home it means that a HECS debt can be repaid, a rental bond or home deposit can be saved.

And let's face it -- the way things are looking, this might end up being the only financial assistance we'll be able to give them.

But while giving them reduced rent (or no rent) is one thing, living costs are another issue.

How many times have we heard the story of the adult son who ate the chicken from the fridge (in one snack-fest sitting) that was supposed to be for the family dinner?

Or the daughter who ran up a phone bill equivalent to the monthly mortgage repayment?

Let's be sensible here -- they don't need to pay off their parents' mortgage, but they do need to be responsible for paying their own way.

Families can alleviate the stress that surrounds this complex issue by sitting down and openly discussing the costs of running a household which is now full of adults.

All parties need the opportunity to negotiate a reasonable board that honestly reflects the full costs of additional food and utility bills.

If you can no longer afford the cost of a helicopter, and the whole subject is too daunting to organise, maybe it's time to ask an independent person to help your family plan a strategy that will work for your family.