One of my favourite things to do whenever I read the paper is flip to the back and search through the baby names.

Seriously, I don't know what some parents are thinking when they name their kids. Sometimes the end result looks like alphabet vomit.

There should be rules when naming a child.

I don't care how much you love your favourite band, calling your child Linkin is cruel.

And don't destroy a beautiful name by changing spelling. Some examples that spring to mind include Jorja, Madyson Caite, Izabel, and even Kortny.

Last weekend I had to work so I sat down to enjoy my morning coffee and read the weekend papers.

I reached for Geelong's paper and eagerly flipped to the classified to read the baby names. Let's just say, I really hope some of these kids are good looking and smart because their names aren't going to do them any favours.

I noticed a trend for giving kids middle names from Melbourne suburbs. Not even a nice Melbourne suburb or one that sounds like it could possibly pass for a name. I'm talking about a little girl who's middle name is Dingley and a little boy with the middle name Oakley _ although that last one could even be named after a brand, which is tragic in itself.

Same with the parents who just throw random names together. What were the parents of Leilani Isabelle Mavis thinking when they named her?

One of my close friends from Melbourne messaged me earlier this week to tell me that the older sister of the girls from our primary school had a baby during the week. The baby's middle name is Diva, surely that's a recipe for trouble.

Here's another shocker. My mum has a cousin (distant cousin I might add) whose parents couldn't decide whether they liked the name Monica or Bonnie better. The child is now unfortunately called Bonica.

I also detest when parents give their kids surnames for first names. Such as Mackenzie, Taylor, Kennedy or Kingston.

I will make a concession for a bizarre name when there is good reason for it.

My friend Janosh from uni is the best example of this. He is one of four boys. His mother is anglo-saxon, his father is Hungarian, so they took turns naming the kids.

As a result Janosh's brothers are named Michael, Thomas and Shandor. Shandor is quite possibly the coolest name ever so I'll let that one slide.

I much prefer a nice classic name.

A colleague and his wife had their first son this week: Edward Patrick. Very nice and sensible.

Personally, I'm thinking for a girl Audrey Eve and for a boy I'm leaning towards the name Sebastian but I'm not sure of the middle name yet.

Of course this is all bound to change should I marry someone with a peculiar surname or some other predicament that could compromise the way the name sounds.

Take my colleague Marcus for example. He has two boys Caleb and Bede. His wife could have desperately wanted to name her son Max or Will. Unfortunately his surname is Power. To call your call Max Power or Will Power would just be cruel.

I think when the woman gives birth there should be someone with them when they fill out the birth certificate. Someone with a sensible head on their shoulders who can veto silly names.

I mean, when you think about it the mother is doped up on painkillers and sleep deprived, as is the father. God knows how long and arduous the labour was. I'm surprised there aren't more kids out there called "Thank God it's Over", from their parents writing down the first thing that comes to mind.

What baby names have you heard that have made you cringe?