But even more so when afterwards he says something like "I can't help it, it's not me. It's my heart".

Gross. Vomit. Move along.

I have a friend, let's call her my sister, who regularly meets guys online and is regularly disappointed when they turn out to be freak shows of the begging variety.

I mean we're not talking a little geek action or whatever. We are talking full on obsessed, in love, uses the words soul mate on a second date, freak shows.

Don't get me wrong. There are things a man can do to show his affection.

Flowers are nice. They're simple, can be relatively inexpensive, say you're appreciated without saying “have my babies”.

But flowers that arrive everyday of an increasingly expensive nature complete with candles and vases are much too much.

Tickets to the movies, maybe a box of popcorn and some M&Ms (never underestimate the power of chocolate) - these are the things women desire.

However, VIP tickets to Alicia Keys complete with canapes and champagne on arrival, a three-course meal followed by supper and wine after just two weeks of dating, are somewhat over the top.

Of course we would need to take into account the fact the concert isn't for a few months.

Okay, maybe we can learn to love this wannabe soul mate cum florist.

He could even turn out to be a keeper - if it wasn't for the note that accompanied the tickets and I quote "Dear babe, let this be the start of many precious memories we create together over the rest of our lives".

If you're not too busy throwing up you will understand my obvious concern.

I don't understand how she does it. The appeal of cyber dating eludes me especially when she relates stories about another guy she met online who on their first date asked her to take off her heel and then smelt it… there are no words.

To me if you are trying to find a man online there are a few important things to consider:

1. If you’re meeting them online there's a chance they lack the social skills to meet in person.

2. If their profile photo looks hot, chances are it’s either not them, or it's an edited version of their head on someone else's body.

3. If their profile name is Hot Chocolate nine inches, chances are he's a liar.

And if you are still prepared to tee up a face-to-face meeting after all these possibilities are explored then all I can say is be prepared.

Gross. Vomit. Move along.