MATT CRAM: I’ve had the champagne chilled for weeks.

NS: Come on, you’ll miss me a little bit won’t you?

MC: About as much as the Essendon faithful will miss Matty Knights when he gets the chop.

NS: He’s not the only coach under the pump. You reckon Knights will be sacked before Ratten and Vossy?

MC: Vossy should be under the most pressure, but for some reason he’s the golden child up at Brisbane, so he’s safe for a while longer. But Essendon is a rabble at the moment and if they don’t improve before the end of the year, we can say ‘night-night’ to Knights.

NS: Clever.

MC: Thank you.

NS: I was being sarcastic.

MC: Oh. But speaking of coaches, there will be a fair shake-up at Ovens and Murray level next season too. Heard any whispers?

NS: Lots of rumours, none with any substance though.

MC: It will be new-look competition, especially if the unsigned Craig Ednie and Paul Spargo don’t continue. Maybe Holbrook boy Henry Playfair will want to have a crack at coaching after announcing his AFL retirement.

NS: It was sad to see Henry go — injury meant he was an unfulfilled talent. I even remember a time when Geelong thought he might be the key to their forward line, ahead of Cameron Mooney and long before Tom Hawkins and the J-Pod.

MC: “Hello Kettle? It’s Pot here. You’re black.”

NS: What?

MC: Well, hearing you talk about unfulfilled careers sounds a bit rich coming from you. Anyway, here’s a quick one. Who are the biggest characters you’ve crossed paths with in your time covering Border sport?

NS: In no particular order, I’ll miss Michael Erdeljac’s forthright views on local cricket, Pedro Afonso’s brutal honesty, Damian Cupido’s ­paper-selling ability and Don Cameron’s philosophical musings about rugby union. I’m sure I’ve forgotten many others.

MC: And I’ll miss chatting with you, mate. All the best, Nyal.

NS: It’s actually pronounced ‘Neil’. And, for the last time, I’m not Indian.

MC: Whatever, Virender.