THE D-Mac can be an insightful young bloke.
So when he gets a certain look on his dial and its just the two of us sitting and watching a DVD, you know he is about to ask a question of some gravitas.
Especially when his father is glued to the screen watching his newest purchase, Morning of the Earth, a surfing movie that is more than 30 years old but the one that I reckon is the benchmark against which all other surfing movies are judged.
“Hey dad, do you regret growing old?,” he said with a sincerity in his voice that told me he really wanted to know the truth of the subject.
It was, and also will be, a good question and mostly because there are more than a few valid ways of looking at it.
The first, and most obvious way, is the one that draws the well-known response: “Don’t regret growing old, some people never get the chance”.
This runs side by side with another famous saying; “There’s always someone worse off than you” — and usually involves doing a depressing stocktake of your physical condition.
The other point of view involves looking back with regret at things you miss doing or at missed opportunities, which you reckon you could take advantage of if you knew back then what you know now.
Yes, I miss those early morning surfs at Dee Why or North Curly and I would love to run out onto the paddock for just one more first grade match for the Steamers.
And to tell the truth, I wish I had have trained harder and seen if I was capable of playing at a higher level.
Similarly, it is true that many middle-aged men, unless they look like George Clooney or are filthy rich, do look back and sincerely wish that 30 years or so ago they had the same knowledge of women they have now (although, in some of our cases, that may well still be zilch).
And knowing now what absolute treasures they are, I would’ve liked to have had another two or three children.
But mostly, when you look back on your earlier life, you have to realise that if you had have taken another route then almost certainly you would’ve missed out on something you now cherish.
So it does no good to look back with regret, mostly because it’s hard to go forward when you’re looking back over your shoulder.
The one thing you do hope you achieve from looking back on your life — which should always be done with a warm sense of nostalgia rather than with a cold lump of regret — is to recognise the mistakes you have made and learn why you made them.
And then, hopefully, you can hand the lesson over to your rugrats and save them the hurt of making the same mistakes.
But while kids might truly love their parents, generally it is not until they reach middle age and have children themselves that they realise their oldies were a lot more cluey than they gave them credit for; something every generation has tended to do.
And so they have to learn the lesson themselves, which can often be painful but does help to drive it home.
One lesson for men that can be exceedingly painful if not learned early is the importance of good health.
Men’s health has tended to be the focus of well-meaning but patronising and ignorant academics, health service providers and commentators and their advice, accordingly, often goes unheeded.
Things are starting to change for men, with conditions such as prostate cancer now being much more in the public spotlight.
Hopefully by the time the D-Mac reaches the age when health can become a major issue for men, that spotlight will be much brighter and the emphasis in the community is focused more intensely, and sensibly, on prevention rather than cure — which these days can often be about shutting the gate once the horse has bolted when it comes to men’s health.
Email a friend