THERE are four seasons in our home: muesli; toast; porridge; and eggs with avocado.
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We’re in porridge territory now.
Porridge season only got underway at the weekend, just days out from the official start to winter on Wednesday.
When my husband served three bowls of porridge on Sunday morning it reminded me of that moderately famous story.
Truth be told, the similarities with the fairytale ended there.
Papa Bear ate his porridge pronto so he could get on with the important business of making his coffee without any distractions and with the perfect crema.
Mama Bear, being a Virgo and all, deliberated for a long-hard, five minutes about what should finish off her bowl of creamy, stove-top oats.
Raw sugar, maple syrup or honey?
Brown sugar, toasted nuts or butter?
Everything tastes better with butter.
No-nonsense Papa Bear had selected raw sugar and butter without a second thought. He was already on to his second espresso by the time Mama Bear had settled on raw sugar and rice milk.
I’m not a big fan of Facebook funnies but I did in the least “like” a recent joke as to why Mama Bear’s porridge is always “too cold”. Mind you, it had more to do with the children and household chores and less to do with the choice of toppings on the table.
Baby Bear was busy wondering if porridge was healthy at all.
Seriously, what has happened to Baby Bear down through the ages?
“Yes! It’s healthy,” says Mama Bear.
“Normal cereal is much more processed than porridge and usually with added sugar and salt in the recipe.
“The only sugar in your porridge is what you put on top of it. If you add a sprinkling of sugar, it will still be 10-times healthier than supermarket cereal.”
Baby Bear chose raspberry jam for her oats.
“That looks delicious,” says Mama Bear, who is already having regrets about not sticking with butter.
Just as the three bears were pondering porridge in all its morning glory Papa Bear tuned into The Top 200 Songs of the 1980s and 1990s. A warning about offensive scenes flashed up.
Mama Bear was momentarily concerned about making a bad impression on Baby Bear until Bananarama appeared in high-waisted jeans.
“The 90s were way more offensive than that – Bananarama is rocking the six-inch fly,” says Mama Bear.
“Those jeans are totes hipster now,” confirms Baby Bear.
The 1990s hit Mysterious Girl – in which Peter Andre and his abs are everywhere – put all bears off their porridge.
Meanwhile, Miss Goldilocks, 5, was up and about early. She had eaten her breakfast of – ahem – Cheerios and was snuggled up on a beanbag – her own, in fact – with an electronic device – not her own, in fact!
“Why won’t you try porridge?” asks Mama Bear of Goldilocks.
“Porridge is food for bears, not people!” Goldilocks says.
“Well, if you’re not the real Goldilocks I’m not sure you can come into my bed during the night-time any more,” says Mama Bear.
We now have another porridge eater in the family, but we should have got the king-size bed!
Disclaimer: Two bowls of porridge went cold, no furniture was broken and Goldilocks was still sleeping in my bed in the retelling of this story.