The teachings of Charles Darwin might be scorned in the backwaters of Tennessee. But among Aussie lotharios, he remains a revered figure.

"When it comes to competing for love ... the weak get weeded out and the strong will stand in front of the other guys," explains The Bachelorette contestant Carlos, quoting Darwin's little-known academic paper The Rose Ceremony: How One Highly-Edited Reality TV Segment Embodies Every Misconception About My Work.

Carlos is 29 and calls himself, in Trumpian fashion, a "business mogul".

'Business mogul'. Photo: Screenshot

When he meets our heroine, Georgia Love, he whips out a colossal Tiffany bracelet. Then Carlos – who works as a stripper on weekends, like most business moguls – does the hard sell.

"I would love to impress you with a bit of stripping one day," he tells her. "But ... if I wanted to just wow you with my body, then to be honest, I wouldn't travel all the way out here."

Later, the producers bully Georgia into some One-On-One Time with Carlos because obviously, this is going to be great. Amazingly, Carlos is happy to talk about Carlos.

"Some guys like to collect hats, other guys like to collect cars – my thing is businesses," he says. "Nightclubs, restaurants, limos. I started as a stripper about eight years ago."

Georgia's reaction provides just a tiny clue to her thinking:

From stripper to nightclub owner, you say? Oh, I'd love you to meet my parents! Photo: Screenshot

Of course, like all men who write about The Bachelorette, my romantic experience with women is both limited and tragicomic. You know who is qualified to comment? Georgia Love herself. I sat down with her just after she'd watched the first episode.

MICHAEL: Carlos' tactic of explicitly telling you how awesome he is didn't go so well. Is there a lesson in that for the men who are watching?

GEORGIA: I'm just one girl ... for me, that wasn't a tactic that I liked. I wanted to get to know these guys on a deeper level than just hearing them peacocking or whatever. Carlos is a lovely guy. It's just that whole stripping, business-owning flashy thing didn't float my boat from night one. But that's absolutely nothing against Carlos.

MICHAEL: Your face said everything when you spoke to Carlos!

GEORGIA: My poker face is terrible! I felt sorry for him watching that back. If that's the reception I got on a first date, I wouldn't have enjoyed it very much either. 

MICHAEL: What happened to the bracelet he gave you? 

GEORGIA: I sent it back to Carlos. It's such a beautiful bracelet, and it was such a thoughtful gift to give. But the fact he did go home on the first night, I felt uncomfortable holding on to that – knowing how much it's worth, and that it's such a big gesture. So I actually sent it back to him, with a note to say how much I loved and appreciated it. Given the circumstances, I didn't want to look as if I'd taken a gift, then sent him out the door. That's not the kind of person I am. 

Filming on this season has wrapped, which means Georgia has already picked her man. My money is on Cam. At the very least, he'll make it to the home dates stage.

Consider the evidence. He has the Mills and Boon profession: firefighter. But he has a sensitive side: he adores Disney movies. He says sentences such as: "I want to get married and have kids, I think kids are awesome." He's classically handsome, in a non-threating way. And very sweet.

I rescue people from burning buildings for a living and I love Disney films. If Georgia doesn't pick me I'm next year's Bachelor for sure. Photo: Screenshot

Also, he got the twinkly music in the editing suite but of course SO DID NIKKI AND IT WAS ALL A PACK OF LIES DON'T TOUCH ME I'M FINE. (Being conned, as we all were, by the last season of The Bachelor raises a troubling question. If you can't trust the reality TV division of a multinational media conglomerate, who can you trust?)

Again, Georgia's reaction provide's a guide to her feelings:

Firefighter! Disney! Kids! Keep saying words like that to me! Photo: Screenshot

Oh, and Cam claims to have appeared in some calendar. In the name of investigative journalism, I did some research. His story checks out:

The boss gave Cam his third written uniform violation in as many weeks. Photo: Perth Firefighters Calendar, Facebook

MICHAEL: What do you think of my theory that Cam makes it to home date stage? 

GEORGIA: The twinkly music is often a giveaway from episode one, isn't it? That's not me saying whether your theory is correct or not! I've [watched previous seasons] and they don't often put twinkly music on someone who goes home on the first night. 

Sam didn't get twinkly music, though. Sam arrived to the same soundtrack that heralded David The International Model last season.

Producers have already allowed Georgia to evict Carlos. Surely they'll make her keep Sam until episode seven, minimum. Because Sam is Keira, David, and Laurina, all in one. Australia, meet your new Bachelorette villain:

Warning. If a reality producer wants to film you in front of a mirror, you're being cast as a villain. Photo: Screenshot

"I've never had to put too much effort into chasing girls; usually they come to me," Sam explains. He is "intimidated" by (yet curiously attracted to) "girls who are independent and don't need a man". He gets bored easily, so you "definitely have to be a special girl to keep my attention for longer than a week".

Sam interrogates Georgia as though she's a potential flatmate.

Sam is baffled by her responses.

"She disagreed with everything," he reports back to us, incredulous. "I don't know what planet she's from. But I need to go there."

Female human disagrees with Sam. Sam is baffled. Photo: Screenshot

Giving Sam a run for his money in the cockiness stakes, however, is entrepeneur-slash-model Rhys. He actually says the "slash" out loud.

Entrepreneur slash model. Photo: Screenshot

MICHAEL: Does saying the slash help?

GEORGIA: Slash is not a word! But I would never judge someone on their job, or how they would describe it. That said, there is something that comes up over the next couple of weeks about how honest people might have been about what they do.

Rhys feels sorry for his friends, but his empathy is limited: "My friends would say it's not fair I was born with good looks. I'm like, 'Well, you can go to the gym too, and do your hair nice, and dress nice. So it's not all, you know, genetics.'"

The greatest risk for these men, in episode one, is getting short shrift once they exit the limo. If you end up in the edited highlights package with Georgia's "Oh I met lots of great men tonight" voiceover, you're a goner.

Full marks to Clancy for his strategy. Arriving with a beard and electric razor, he tells Georgia she can shave it off if she likes. No producer could resist that.

This guarantees me three minutes screen time, minimum. Photo: Screenshot

It could have been weird or icky. But it worked. 

I already knew I looked better without a beard, natch. Photo: Screenshot

MICHAEL: If you had to put a percentage improvement on Clancy's appearance after he lost the beard, what's your figure?

GEORGIA: With the beard, he was a solid 8-and-a-half. Without it, 11 out of 10. He was very good looking without that beard, don't you think? 

But it was Jake who left Georgia the most hot and bothered.

The Gold Coast resident arrived in a black shirt, black tie and gold pinkie ring: attire one normally wears when one reports directly to Tony Mokbel. 

I'm Don Jake. If these other guys give you any trouble, you let me know, OK? Photo: Screenshot

Georgia looks at Jake:

My father is a surgeon. We live in an exclusive bayside suburb full of golf courses and Land Rovers. Decide now: it's me, or it's the pinkie ring. Photo: Screenshot

But hold on! Our heroine is into this. Eyelids: batting! Eye contact: plentiful! Cheeks: flushed! She tells Jake he "smells delicious" and instructs him to "have a whiskey waiting" for her.

"I definitely want to spend more time with him," she says to the camera, fanning her face. Jake is the dark horse of this season.

It was a night of surprises. And not just because our heroine literally fell for all the men upon meeting them.

Bachelorette stacks it; gets a round of applause for not spilling her booze. How good's 'Straya? Photo: Screenshot

MICHAEL: You saved your drink!

GEORGIA: That was the most Georgia Love thing to ever happen. I completely embarrass myself but then find a way to joke about it. And the fact that subconsciously, I saved the champagne before my actual body is probably a bit of an insight into me.

And then there was the donkey...

MICHAEL: Normally, an animal as a gift equals wacky music in the editing suite, which means that contestant won't last long. But there was real chemistry between you and Lee.

GEORGIA: I think when he said he wanted to bring a donkey, the producers were already playing the wacky music in their mind ... but it ended up on quite a romantic note. I think that confused the producers a bit in their plans of how they'd portray him.

Ultimately, Carlos and Dale got the boot.

MICHAEL: If you develop strong feelings for more than one person, how do you decide who to keep?

GEORGIA: It is a lot of trusting your gut. As I got further into it – and I did develop feelings and connections with a number of guys – I switched my thinking. It went from, 'Who do I want to see again?' to 'If I never saw, say, Michael again, how would I feel?' And if I couldn't fathom that, if it broke my heart, that showed what my subconscious was feeling. 

But you can convince yourself of anything when you're by yourself. In the moment, when you're with somebody, you can't deny what's there.

The Bachelorette airs 7.30pm Wednesdays and Thursdays on Ten. 

Twitter: @Michael_Lallo