IN this Year of the Rooster, it is suddenly all about dragons.
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Getting on board for an annual dragon boat regatta on the Border, I’d falsely assumed all of us newcomers would be in the same boat ie. up Wodonga creek without a paddle.
Turned out it was only me the “sweep” singled out, four minutes into our solo voyage.
The sweep is the main steering dude down the back of the boat, “akin to God”. His words, I think, though it could have been my imagination playing tricks.
“Does the blonde girl in Row 4 have her hips touching the side of the boat?!” he bellows from the stern.
“If you don’t it’s unbalancing the boat!”
I rightly assumed it was a rhetorical question but I couldn’t help being mortified that I was already offside with God and seemingly rocking the boat too, all while we were barely 10 metres from shore.
As I pushed my hips firmly into the side of the boat, I pondered an earlier conversation with my daughters.
“How’d you qualify for the dragon boat team?” my 10-year-old asks.
“Well, I replied to a group email at work saying they were desperately short of numbers,” I explain.
“I got-cha!” she says with a coordinated wink, thumbs up and patronising click of her tongue.
“Hold on!” I say.
“Did you just click your tongue at me? They wouldn’t have let just anybody on the boat,” I lie.
“Good for you, Mum,” she says, this time winking in the direction of her six-year-old sibling who is lost in a Minecraft fog.
“She can’t see you,” I say, “But I hear you, loud and clear!”
Back to the boat, we learnt a whole new glossary of terms such as Paddles Up, Dig It In, Long and Strong (just like my coffee) and Let It Run, the equivalent of Child Pose in yoga where you can relax and catch your breath before the next gruelling sequence of movements.
Having worked on the stroke and the timing in the boat, the sweep took us through a few mock 200-metre races.
Pulling a paddle through the water from the knees of the person in front of you back to your hip took it out of most of us but there were some with fuel still in the tank for sledging passing boats.
“You call that a team?! That’s not a team. Your timing was terrible!”
Spurred by the friendly stirring, the sweep got us to contest the 500-metre course next.
With 150 metres to go, I was gaining fresh perspective into Lay-Down Sally, less the Eric Clapton song and more the infamous 2004 Olympic Sally Robbins rowing faux pas.
“One-two-three … long and strong!” booms God with a Kiwi accent.
We finished the 500-metre course without any casualties but, with my hips now locked into the correct position, my shoulders were giving me a world of pain.
The next morning I could barely hold up my arms to do my child's hair for school.
"What do you mean you want two braids?” I whine.
"Would you settle for a low pony tail?"
Brave Hearts Dragon Boat Club Albury Wodonga will host its ninth annual regatta at Gateway Lakes, Wodonga, on Saturday.
The Opening and Awakening the Dragon Ceremony starts at 11am with racing from noon until 4pm.
Twenty community teams, four junior teams and five cancer survivor and supporter teams make up the regatta.
Paddles Up!