Years after delivering a stillborn child or losing one to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, the Border’s Nell McLean and Sara Bayliss said their loss was still palpable. 

On Friday, Red Nose Day will shine a light on families who have lost a child. 

Mrs Bayliss said the silence around child loss was devastating.

“They are our babies, they’ll always be our babies,” she said.

“When we mention them people say they’re sorry but there’s no need to be sorry – these are our children.

“They try to tiptoe around it but sometimes the best therapy is to talk.

“It’s made me stronger and determined to help others in the same situation.”

The mother-of-four said she had the perfect pregnancy with twins Harry and Jack, until the family suffered a heartbreaking loss.

“The day before I’d been at the doctor and there had been two heartbeats,” she said.

“Sure enough the next day there was only one – that’s when my world crumbled.”

Mrs Bayliss delivered her two sons, but Harry was not alive.

Her son Jack was taken to Canberra with her husband as he was struggling to breathe. 

“We were separated when we needed each other,” she said.

At the Border Baby and Pregnancy Loss Support support group she met Mrs McLean.

The two now run the group to support men and women who’ve lost a baby.

Mrs McLean said she found out at 19 weeks her twins were affected by twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.

“They were both born healthy but Mia ended up having brain damage from a lack of oxygen and Cerebral Palsy,” she said.

“She was still healthy though, a happy little girl.”

Nine and a half months later, while the mother-of-five was away overnight, a parent’s worst nightmare occurred.

“My husband put her to bed and the next morning she was cold,” she said.

“He’s a nurse and tried to revive her, called an ambulance – everything.

“I found out a couple of hours later, my husband didn’t want to tell me while I was travelling – it was four hours until I was home”

Both woman said the group has helped them by allowing them a place to talk about and express their grief with people who understand. 

The group holds meetings on the first Tuesday of the month but are available for support via Facebook when needed.

It also hosts a walk in October to remember babies lost through stillbirth, miscarriage and infant death.