WHEN you support an average football team you’re prone to taking your eye off the ball halfway through the home and away season.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
I knew North Melbourne was travelling poorly this year but I didn’t appreciate how badly until I noticed the AFL leader board in the front bar of the Blighty Pub on Saturday night.
Sitting in 15th spot, North had six wins and 16 losses.
I had stopped tipping them but not before the damage was already done.
My 10-year-old, on the other hand, was celebrating coming last in her school tipping competition.
After scoring badly in the first two rounds of the season, she quickly decided on a new game plan; to aim for last place in the competition with all of her might.
Despite a couple of unsettling rounds – in which she scored highly due to match upsets – she regained her composure to slide squarely to the bottom.
“What did you get for last?” I say.
“A Fantale,” she said.
“One?” I said. “You worked so hard for that result!”
Her reply: “Well, it’s more than you got for coming fifth!!”
She made, of course, an excellent point.
Whether you’re a diehard footy fan or a casual onlooker, your team has everything to do with how you mark the AFL grand final on Saturday.
Adelaide: If fans can’t be at the match, they’ll celebrate with a case of cider or boutique beer. #poshplonk
Geelong: Fans already drowned their sorrows on Friday night, but they’ll line up for another hangover this weekend. Drink of choice: Furphy Refreshing Ale.
Richmond: It’s been a long time between drinks, Tigers fans will party like it’s 1980 with Melbourne Bitter.
Greater Western Sydney: This relatively new fan base will opt for Gin and Tonic, UDLs, maaate!
Port Adelaide: Top 5 finishers, Port fans will celebrate with a case of Clare Valley riesling.
Sydney: Consistent grand final contenders, Swans fans can sit back and relax this year with a mixed drink and a harbour view.
Essendon: Vodka Cruisers and Bicardi Breezers all round.
West Coast: Fans can start the grand final party early thanks to their two-hour time difference.
Melbourne: Victorian Bitter or espresso cocktail, depending on demographic.
Bulldogs: Fans are still getting over last year’s party! But it was worth it!!
St Kilda: Boutique beer or a cocktail or seven.
Hawthorn: Wine. Expensive like the real estate there.
Collingwood: Two cases of VB each, before the main game!
Fremantle: Fancy wine or whisky the go-go.
North Melbourne: My tribe. Beer, anything but VB.
Carlton: Piccolo lattes all the way to Lygon Street and a side of nonna’s pasta.
Gold Coast: Something overpriced with preservatives.
Brisbane: Why do Queenslanders drink XXXX? Because they can’t spell beer. (Old but forever funny!)
Turns out I’m going to Melbourne this weekend for everything other than football. I’ve got tickets to The Australian Ballet Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, the Pop Up Globe Theatre and Dior at the NGV.
Ignorance is bliss!