It was at the peak of her playing career that basketball great Lauren Jackson was in the grip of a silent, often suffocating struggle.
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In the “daily battle” of boarding planes, being torn from her close-knit family in Albury and thrust into yet another foreign location to play her beloved basketball, the panic and anxiety would take hold of the towering athlete.
The emotional load was the heaviest when Jackson lived in the unfamiliar environs of China and Russia, she revealed to students at Billabong High School on Thursday.
“The freezing conditions in the dead of winter where there was virtually no light … they were the most brutally difficult times.
“(But) I was good at compartmentalising things so the minute I got on the court I could let it go.”
Jackson says her player personality was tough and aggressive – “there were a few broken noses and they weren’t mine”.
She has a world championship gold medal to her name, three Olympic silver medals and one bronze and is a three-time WNBA Most Valuable Player award winner.
More recently the now-retired star was named among the world’s top 20 most dominant athletes of the 21st century.
But for all her domination on court, off court it was a different story.
“No one had any idea of what I was going through, except my family,” Jackson says.
“I didn’t want to detract from myself as a basketball player – from that public persona.”
But being portrayed as “untouchable” is not helpful for any athlete, she admits.
It wasn’t until 2008 – at the Beijing Olympics –that Jackson was to embark on the journey to getting the help she needed.
“One of the medicos there asked, ‘What’s going on?’ I’d lost a lot of weight and was very emotional,” she recalls.
“I was prescribed anti-depressants and that started my recovery process.”
At the same time, Jackson says the inner struggles she faced helped shape her as a formidable sportswoman.
Her issues with anxiety began as a teenager at Albury’s Murray High School.
High school was difficult for me – I was tall, gangly and awkward and I was picked on.
- Lauren Jackson
Jackson admits she wasn’t a great student; her parents took her out of school sport hoping she would lift her game academically.
“High school was difficult for me – I was tall, gangly and awkward and I was picked on," she says.
“I got really angry about that and it drove me harder in my sport.
“I think high school is some of the hardest years of your life but once you get out you can look forward to being a full, whole person.”
Albury high school student Mary Baker wasn’t to share that journey to recovery – or adulthood.
In a poignant presentation to the auditorium full of students, Stuart Baker spoke of losing his 15-year-old daughter to suicide.
“It is seven years ago today that I delivered a eulogy at my daughter’s funeral ...” he reveals.
The co-founder of the Albury-Wodonga Winter Solstice for Survivors of Suicide event describes how a tooth infection and subsequent virus was to prove the catalyst for a devastating transformation in Mary.
“Mary didn’t get better and she didn’t ever eat again unaided or unsupervised,” he says.
“I could go on about Mary’s professional care and the successes and failures along the way … suffice to say through my experience I now understand superior mental health care leads to better outcomes.”
Mr Baker says that while all mental illnesses can bring their own stigma and shame, an eating disorder magnifies this.
“Mary had an eating disorder and depression – the depression she was able to hide but the one stark statistic relating to eating disorders that I didn’t know, until earlier this year, is that one in every 5 people with an eating disorder will die by suicide,” he says.
As part of a year 9 English assignment, Mary Baker wrote: “Depression causes poor quality of life and can haunt a person for extreme lengths of time. Sometimes never ending or becoming so severe that the sufferer no longer desires to live.”
That’s why her father believes everyone has a part to play in looking out for friends and loved ones.
“Mary didn’t ever speak about her depression or her darkest thoughts and I so wish she had been able to,” he says.
“If you notice a close friend or family member is becoming withdrawn or struggling, ask them how they are and truly listen to their answer.”
It was the take-home message from the forum, in its fourth year, which is a joint project between the school and Henty, Culcairn and Holbrook health advisory committees.
Henty group chairman Mick Broughan says it matters not whether you are one of the world’s greatest basketballers or a student at Billabong High School.
“We can all be susceptible to mental illness,” he says.
For Jackson, who happily lined up to shoot hoops with aspiring basketball stars on Thursday, her parting advice was to stick with it – in sport and in life.
She knows all too well the rollercoaster of missed selection for squads, debilitating injury, gruelling rehabilitation and, ultimately, the heartbreak of retirement.
But the now proud mum to 13-month-old son Harry has found her equilibrium in the “deep roots” of her family and Albury home.
She urges young people to make the most of every experience and to resist putting too much pressure on themselves.
And to say something if their world becomes too much to bear.
To speak, even if your voice shakes.
- If you need help, call Lifeline 13 11 14 or headspace 1800 650 890.