CONFRONTED with the sight of a man who had fatally shot himself in the head, Albury paramedic John McCormack cracked.
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The ambulance officer went home that evening and was dogged by what he had seen on that Thurgoona call.
“I had the most horrific nightmares, during that night I didn’t have a wink of sleep,” Mr McCormack said.
“(I) went into work the next day and my manager said ‘did you have a busy night?’, I said ‘yeah it was pretty busy..there were a few jobs’,
“As I was explaining it I just burst into tears and couldn’t speak after that.”
It was a fortnight later that Mr McCormack was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
The Australian Paramedics Association delegate aired his trauma to SBS television current affairs show Insight.
His story will be part of Tuesday night’s edition which centres on mental health at work and also features a community educator with depression and an advertising copywriter with bipolar disorder.
Mr McCormack told The Border Mail he felt it was important to speak of his experience.
“I think there’s a lot of different people in emergency services and volunteers throughout Australia who suffer from mental health problems, whether it be PTSD or anxiety,” he said.
“I know the stigmatisation around mental health still exists and I hope what I’ve done will help people come forward rather than suffer in silence.”
After being diagnosed in 2015, Mr McCormack spent four months off work over different periods before returning to full duties.
He continues to undergo cognitive therapy with a psychologist each month and visit a psychiatrist every three months.
Mr McCormack told Insight that he had been considered moody and there were complaints of rudeness towards patients before he was diagnosed.
“My wife was very worried...I would have incidences where I would just flip, to say the least,” he said.
“I would basically punch a wall, I remember I headbutted a door once, I put my head through this wooden door.
“I had major issues with my sleep, I just had horrific nightmares and couldn’t sleep.
“I would go out on a job in the middle of the night and I had no idea what I was feeling, what I was thinking and I was having thoughts of driving the ambulance off the side of the road.”
Despite the tumult, Mr McCormack says he’s “enjoying the job more than ever” but realises the importance of “self-care”.
Insight, which also features NSW Ambulance boss Dominic Morgan, will be broadcast on SBS at 8.30pm Tuesday.
