Thankfully here in Albury-Wodonga that we don’t have to contend with too many West Coast Eagles supporters but you wouldn’t have known that after 5pm on Saturday.

I was at the pub and you’d swear with the amount of carry-on when the final siren sounded that everyone had just won a premiership – even Carlton supporters who tasted victory just twice in 2018! 

The reality is that Collingwood just lost a grand final and, with no guarantees about what might happen next year, it’s going to be a long off-season.

So here’s a list of retorts for all those “anti-fans” out there:

Adelaide: unlikely to sling much mud after their grand final choke last year. Has anyone found Tex Walker yet?

Brisbane: I’m still dirty with them after 2002-03. Thankfully they’ve hardly won a game since. 

Carlton: After just two victories for the year, you almost start to feel sorry for the poor sods. I said “almost”. Their supporters must have forgotten what it’s like to celebrate anything.

Essendon: Talked a big game pre-season and then missed the eight. Haven’t won a final since 2004. I’d be keeping quiet with a record like that.

Fremantle: Am confident I’ll hear nothing from Dockers fans but, just in case, thanks for Chris Mayne. What a great grand final he played.

Geelong: Bucks has won as many finals in the past three weeks as Chris Scott has in the past five years. 

Gold Coast: Who?

Greater Western Sydney: I think all seven of their supporters are 500km north of the Border.

Hawthorn: Six-love, six love. Thank you linesmen, thank you ball boys.

Melbourne: I’ve always found Dees fans pretty respectful and with no flags since 1964, you can understand why.

North Melbourne: Played in seven straight preliminary finals in the 1990s but been largely irrelevant since then.

Port Adelaide: Promised a lot and delivered little in recent years. They still wish they were the Magpies.

Richmond: A few Tiger fans took the opportunity to remind me they don’t hand out cups for preliminary final wins. I know that – just like they don’t hand them out for being the best side all year and then choking when it counts.

St Kilda: There’s no chance I’ll hear from a poor old Saints fan. They’re more cursed than Collingwood when it comes to grand final heartache.

Sydney: Clearly feeling the pinch of the AFL removing their ridiculous Cost Of Living Allowance (COLA). It becomes a fair bit harder to buy flags when the playing field is level, isn’t it?

Western Bulldogs: One premiership in 60-odd years is likely to ensure the Doggies remain humble.

West Coast: Well done, Eagles. As good as Collingwood was, the better side won on the day. Deserved winners.