It's really a time for quiet reflection. There will be missed birthdays. The lost opportunity to watch children or grandchildren growing up. There's family reunions that will no longer take place.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
The passage of five years on Wednesday since the attack on MH17 doesn't change too much say the families who lost loved ones.
The anniversary will be marked by a quiet protest at the Russian consulate in Woollahra. No chanting. No banners. That's despite the fact Dutch investigators last month named four Russian men who were to be charged with murder. Of course, the families would like justice but accepting it may be a long time coming.
There's a handwritten name on every little rectangle of black card. It is the labour of Jane Malcolm who lost her mother and stepfather, Carol and Michael Clancy. The plan is to attach the cards to railings at the consulate.
Ruth Scott, Mr Clancy's younger sister, will travel from Newcastle to attend. "Carol and Michael were having their retirement trip of a lifetime," she said. "They had been very frugal people and had saved up for this wonderful trip.
"They were on their way home and Carol had just celebrated her birthday on July 9 when she had sent a message to say she was having a wonderful time and all was right with the world and see you soon.
"Every week I would speak to Michael. He would ring up every Thursday night. A long time after, every time the phone would ring I'd go 'Oh, that will be Mick'.
"Any little thing can just bring it all back in a flash. Wednesday will be a day like when you are given permission for your emotions to come out. You don't have to bottle it up too much."
Nanda Tournier will travel from New Zealand.
When the phone rang in the middle of the night she said to her husband Regan: "You'd better answer that, the plane might of [sic] crashed."
Her Dutch parents, Henk Tournier and Ineke Westerveld Tournier were on their way to visit the family for the first time at their new home of a year in New Zealand.
"It was about four in the morning when the phone rang," Ms Tournier said. "We didn't even wake up the first time. It went again and I said to my husband you'd better pick it up because, you never know, the plane might have crashed. That's what I said."
She said the crash was a factor in the break up of her marriage. "Not the number one reason but it definitely didn't help," she said.
Like other families they have watched the final minutes of their loved ones captured on CCTV as they prepared to board the aircraft at Schiphol airport.
"The have sent it to me [the CCTV]," Ms Tournier said "It was very odd. You could see them walking into the stores at the airport, paying and talking to each other and buying perfume for me. It was quite challenging and made me quite nervous because I didn't know what I was going to see."
A statement from the six Australian families, three Malaysian and the one New Zealand family will be read out today. Together they grieve and speak for 16 people on MH17.
They will also call for the Russian government to cooperate with the investigation, take its share of the responsibility and to "stop your disingenuous denials, your lies and deceit".
"Five years on, our grief is less raw but no less deep. The sudden and violent death of the ones we love pervades our lives. We are different people now," the statement reads.
