WITH Prime Minister Scott Morrison telling us we're all Victorians, it didn't take long for people to want to prove otherwise.
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Within hours of his comment amid the deepening coronavirus crisis in Melbourne last week, a Sydney friend texted: "What do you call potato scallops, scallops or potato cakes?"
It was in response to the satirical news website Betoota Advocate's perfectly-sound premise that the answer to the above question was actually more revealing than your postcode.
"Potato cakes, togs and *quick unpicks," I reply, to save her the trouble of collecting further data for scientific evidence.
"I can see where you're going there.
"I guess I'm actually a Victorian living in NSW!"
While I was bred and educated north of the border, I was born in Victoria and have spent my whole working life south of the border. (The only exception was 18 months of part-time work at Finley, which was a haze of Brown Brothers Spatlese Lexia, the Wednesday night tipple of choice in my host's home. As a cadet journalist, $15 for dinner, bed and wine - albeit sweet - was a good deal!)
When I studied at Bathurst, I might as well have been in Belarus so foreign did that world seem to me.
Rugby - league and union, for starters. I was not across the rules for either. Upturned collars and gold fob chains were also new to me. Then schooeys of (Tooheys) Newy. I refused to say that out loud in a bar; I seriously thought the locals were having a lend of me!
Now with the shock closure of the NSW-Victorian state border a little more than a week ago after the spike in COVID-19 cases in Melbourne, I am feeling a bit cut off from the clan.
Having immediately applied for the resident's permit to cross the border for work or daily life, I soon found out this was restricted to a 50-kilometre zone.
Once you'd moved further than 50 kilometres into Victoria you'd be required to self-isolate for 14 days on returning to your NSW home.
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Rugby - league and union, for starters. I was not across the rules for either. Upturned collars and gold fob chains were also new to me. Then schooeys of (Tooheys) Newy. I refused to say that out loud in a bar; I seriously thought the locals were having a lend of me!
With authorities urging people living along the border to not look for loopholes in the legislation, the best thing we can all do for the greater good is to just sit tight (obviously work and medical appointments aside!).
As ScoMo says, we're all Victorians now or Melburnians for that matter.
If you're having trouble channeling your inner Victorian, I might be able to help out here.
- Wear black. Black is the new black. Black never gets old in Melbourne. Pop away that tangerine winter coat, and get black to basics with Victoria. The only exception to the rule is Melbourne-based ABC-TV and Channel 10 news presenters and journalists. Unless you're reading the news, black is the dress code south of the border.
- Talking football. AFL is the official state language down south, regardless of the time of year or even whether there is a season at all. I'm not fully fluent, but I know enough of the local lingo to bluff my way around Victoria.
- Drink barista-made coffee. There is no shame in being a coffee snob; some of my very favourite people are!
- Well-heeled. Melbourne women seem to be able to balance on sky-high heels better than most.
- Dress up if you have a dinner booking. Sydneysiders are a bit sloppy when it comes to dining out!
With half of my clan living in Victoria, I'm really relying on those of you south of the border to look out for them.
In return, we'll do the same for our southern neighbours who have family living north of the border. Seriously though Victoria, just holler if you need anything: potato cakes, togs, quick unpicks?!!
Otherwise, we'll catch you on the other side!
- *I only learnt the term seam ripper in recent years. What's more, it goes AWOL more often than the "good scissors" do!
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