Maia Butson is only five weeks old but she's got her daddy Liam wrapped around her tiny little finger.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
"This little weapon is kicking goals," mum Jessee Williams says fondly, rhythmically patting the back of their daughter who arrived early at 35 weeks.
When Maia was born (by ceasarian) at 11.48am on August 6, Liam and Jessee started sobbing.
They turned to each other and said, "That's Finn".
Finn, their baby boy "born sleeping" on July 18, 2019, with dark hair and a tiny button nose.
Jessee will never forget the 20-week scan where the Thurgoona couple learned it was a boy - a brother for bubbly, blonde-haired Noah, now 2.
"I said to Liam, 'It's all good, you go back to work," Jessee recalls.
As the scan concluded, the expectant mum casually asked, "Everything all good?"
As it turned out, it wasn't; abnormalities had been detected in the scan and Jessee was rushed to the Mercy Hospital in Melbourne for an amniocentesis.
Two agonising weeks later they were told Finn had Extra Ring Chromosone 12, an extremely rare abnormality that results in severe intellectual and physical disabilities.
After many trips back and forth to Melbourne and lengthy discussions with specialists, Jessee and Liam made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy.
Finn was delivered at the Royal Women's Hospital Melbourne at 25 weeks.
"The hardest part was getting the needle to stop his heartbeat," Jessee recalls.
"They called out the time it stops - it was 10.41am."
Liam was a tower of strength during the delivery.
"Like all my labours, he was amazing," Jessee says.
"He was my safe space - he stayed strong for me."
It's so hard because you leave the hospital empty-handed.
- Jessee Williams
Initially the parents decided they didn't want to see Finn after he was born but later changed their minds.
Jessee went in to see her baby on her own.
"He was in a cool cot and when I saw him I thought he made a noise," she says.
"The nurse, who was lovely, said that was a very normal response.
"I felt overwhelming sadness - he was beautiful and that made it harder.
"I felt sorry ... I kept apologising to him."
Liam went in later and nurses brought the cold cot into their room.
"I touched him and kissed him then," Jessee recalls.
"I didn't pick him up at that time; I didn't want to disturb him."
The couple spent hours with Finn before embarking on the long, lonely drive home.
"It's so hard because you leave the hospital empty-handed," Jessee says.
Left with the awful task of organising funeral logistics, Jessee says they would not have coped without the help of Lester and Sons Albury.
"We are beyond grateful to Mick Young for his love and support - he went above and beyond to get Finn transported back to us," she says.
Cradling Maia on the lounge in their home, Jessee points to a pale blue ceramic teddy bear with Finn's ashes sitting on the bookshelf.
"We had a private service with family where everyone got to hold him and say goodbye," she says.
"Noah picked a comforter to go with Finn; when we went in he said, 'Shhh Mummy, baby's sleeping'."
Jessee says both her and Liam have days where they blame themselves.
"You don't know why this happens to us," she says sadly.
"We are not short of love."
That love has recently been transformed into a legacy in Finn's honour.
When her best friend Sarah Hollier suggested fundraising for a Bears of Hope Cuddle Cot to support families after the loss of a baby, Jessee leapt at the idea.
The cot, which has a cooling system in the bassinet, allows families to spend precious time with their baby before saying goodbye.
In the past two weeks, more than $7000 has been raised for the cot, which will be donated to the Royal Women's Hospital.
The fundraiser was particularly poignant for Ms Hollier, who found out she was pregnant when Jessee and LIam's journey with Finn was ending.
Jessee says the instant generosity for the fundraiser "has blown us away".
"I am a huge advocate for Finn not being forgotten," she says.
"I couldn't be his mum physically but I'd like to think I'm making him proud."
The pregnancy with Maia was planned - "it was part of my healing process and we always wanted our kids close together in age".
But the parents were to be blindsided again when the pre-natal screening they insisted on came back with another rare chromosonal issue detected.
"After Finn, we were both tested and it all came back normal; we were told we were just unlucky and it wouldn't happen again," Jessee says.
"Liam was gutted and we both felt so deflated and confused; it was like going straight back down the rabbit hole."
"We were beyond broken."
Determined to give this baby "the same chance we gave Finn", the coupled waited for another amniocentesis, again in Melbourne, at the 16-week mark.
Jessee recalls the day Candice Dao, from The Mercy, called with the results:
"I raced to Liam and put her on speaker phone and she told us the results were clear - we were silent and in disbelief."
The overjoyed parents were told Maia would be small and need to be delivered early.
"She decided to come on her own anyway and went straight on the bottle and had no tubes," Jessee says proudly.
Somehow, having a daughter has made the difference.
"You can love her in her own right; it's like a subconscious re-set," Jessee says.
Now their family is complete - we are "perfectly imperfect", says Jessee, who has had her tubes tied.
"It's hard as a mum ... how do you deal with wishing Finn had not died and coming to terms with the fact you wouldn't change a thing because Maia wouldn't be here?
"She's got two hearts working for her now (because) she has Finn."