AND then there were four.
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This weekend is the biggest one of the year when it comes to sporting events with the playing of the grand finals of the AFL and NRL competitions.
And for the sake of the exercise let’s pretend both games are being played today (despite the fact the NRL GF is on tomorrow) but at different times.
The similarities between the two deciders are remarkable.
In the AFL you have the toffs versus the working classes, the preening arrogant Swans versus the blue collar bangers from Footscray, and in the NRL you have the smug Storm playing the battling Sharks.
Both the Bulldogs and the Sharks nearly went broke a couple of years ago while the Storm and the Swans were helped out by their competition administrations with loads of moolah and advantages.
The Swans and the Storm probably flew into Melbourne and Sydney in private jets, dined at five-star hotels, had a swim in their accommodation’s private pool this morning and then had masseurs - who look like models - put them in the right frame of mind.
The Bulldogs and the Sharks probably had bangers and mash at their local, with their beers served by female bar staff for who the age of 40 is just a memory.
They would have started work at 6am this morning, finished at 11, rushed home, grabbed their kit, asked the missus for a quick rub-down, kissed each of their 11 kids and hurried off to their home grounds to meet their teammates.
Then it would have been a case of ordering four, eight-seater taxis, chipping in $20 each for the fare, getting dressed into their footy gear along the way and arriving at the ground 10 minutes before the kick-off.
Down in South Albury we’ll gather at Brady’s Hotel, have a counter lunch and a few frothies, before sitting down, having a few more frothies and yelling our guts out for the working class teams.
Then it will be a case of another counter meal, like the Sharks’ and Bulldogs’ supporters – and probably the players– having a few more frothies and losing a couple of coins in the pokies.
The girls will, of course, be on large glasses of moselle.
Over at Snobs’ Knob in West Albury there will be private functions, where coat and tie is compulsory, the finest champagne will be served and a range of expensive horse’s doovers, the names of which I can never pronounce, will be consumed.
All of this while watching the games on television screens the size of an average South Albury residence.
Although they probably won’t watch the rugby league - it will be considered below them.
Caterers will then serve dinner, again with the finest wines, spirits and a range of imported beers.
So far as the footy goes, like the league’s State of Origin, it will be state versus state, mate versus mate, with the odd working class player having had a stretch with one of the toff clubs before being shown the door.
It’s been a long time between drinks for both teams of battlers, with the Bulldogs last winning the flag in 1954 and having only played in one GF since.
The Sharks came into the competition in 1967 and haven’t won anything.
But you have to feel a little bit sorry for the Collingwood supporters, who will gather at some upmarket hotel in the city.
They won’t know who to support because they’ve never worked out if they are working class toffs or toffy working class types.
