I felt like no one really wanted to talk about it and then therefore I didn't want to talk about it, so it felt a bit like a lonely place
- Thanuja Vanderhoek
A year ago, Thanuja Vanderhoek’s third child, Gabriel, was born.
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Sadly he did not survive, which left his mother struggling with grief that few people around her could really understand.
“I felt like no one really wanted to talk about it and then therefore I didn’t want to talk about it so it felt a bit like a lonely place for me,” the Border osteopath said.
Someone who did know the right things to say was her obstetrician Simone Mulder, who lost her own baby son Alexander in 2011.
“In all of its horribleness you also gain an enormous insight and knowledge about what people really experience and what couples need in these sorts of times,” Dr Mulder said.
“No one gets this the way other bereaved parents get it.”
On Wednesday’s anniversary of Gabriel’s birth, the two women have launched a new support group for parents affected by pregnancy and baby loss.
Parents of Angels will meet on the third Thursday of each month, beginning April 19, from 1.30pm at Albury Integrated Health, Pemberton Street, Albury.
“The aim is to get health professionals involved within the group and have a really safe, confidential space,” Dr Vanderhoek said.
“I think the name is more to empower people; yes, they have been through loss but we’re working towards acceptance.”
Although aware of an existing group, Border Baby and Pregnancy Loss Support, the pair believed the more support available, the better.
“It’s a very distinct type of loss that I think requires a different approach (from) family, friends, society and counsellors,” Dr Mulder said.
“As a parent you have all these expectations of what your life is going to be and then it’s not; it’s extremely painful.”
When a little life is so short, it’s harder for other people to connect or share memories and they may try to avoid such conversations.
“It’s really important that they understand that this is your baby and you are a parent,” Dr Vanderhoek said.
“They have a name and we’re allowed to talk about them just like every other child.”
Parents of Angels, which is open to both men and women, can be reached through Albury Integrated Clinic’s online booking system or by ringing the clinic on (02) 6041 1329.
A new Facebook page has also been set up.
