Top 10 tips for blokes doing Christmas shopping

10. Shut your eyes: This is mostly for when it comes to swiping the "magic plastic", however it can also come in handy when there are multiple options of one product and you need to select just one. Nothing says "I love you" more than a random chance selection.

9. Grit your teeth and dive in: Shopping can be a bit like staring at a flock of sheep to be shorn or a herd of calves to be tagged - there's no simple way around it and sometimes you've just got to get stuck in. Mind you, you're less likely to trampled with the sheep and cattle.

8. All perfume smells the same after a while: If it's a fragrance you're after, the golden rule is latch onto one as quick as possible. Smelling three or four fragrances will only confuse you, and you'll also walk out of the shop smelling like toilet spray.

7. Have a "happy place": Sometimes the shopping will have to be done in tandem with a partner or with a family. Usually, they'll be pulling in all different directions, screaming about lack of money or panicking because a certain store is out of something. At these times, it's great to be able to use your imagination to transport yourself to a happier place- a favourite fishing trip; a camping spot; a sporting match moment; a tranquil horse ride; that spot on the verandah; on the back of a brutal bull in the rodeo ring - all scenes far less daunting than the family shopping trip.

6. Wander off: For those blokes with no way out of being dragged in and out of retail outlets, you have a special licence as a male to wander off. Feel free to be drawn by something that catches your eye across the street or that busker who's belting out yet another Lee Kernaghan song. Be warned though; even though you may enjoy the alone time, harsh repercussions are usually forthcoming upon rejoining your pack.

5. Re-buy something: It's not uncommon for blokes to struggle to think of something new for that loved one or loved ones. Why not just think of something you bought about five or six years ago, and buy another one? Surely they would have worn the first one out. Better yet, buy things that expire or run out (like a pack of four biros or a bottle of cordial) so you're making things easier for yourself in the future. 

4. Undergo physical training: It's probably a bit late now but if possible, do a bit of physical training before hitting the shops. You'll need all the strength you can muster to walk the 7km from where you parked the car to the front door, or carry the 39kg of groceries on each arm back to the train station.

3. Fuel Up: Make sure there is plenty of petrol in the car. You'll need to keep it running on the several occasions you "generously" offer to stay in the car while the rest of the mob attack wherever they are going. In the current heat conditions, you don't want the air-conditioning dropping out just as you're dozing off, forcing you out onto the seat on the sidewalk.

2. Prepare your foot: At some point you may have to put your foot down. Families on shopping trips can be like a flock of ibis at a picnic- they'll sense an opportunity and pick it to death. A morning at the shops becomes a full day, and before you know it, it's late night shopping and you're still searching for that Thomas the Tank Engine bed lamp that was supposed to be on lay-by. It could be up to you to bring some sense to the situation and make a deadline, or even threaten to drive home without the rest of them, something they would probably have preferred in the first place, truth be known. 

1. Buy chocolate: No one in the history of the world has ever said no to a gift of a chocolate. If you're running out of time and the situation looks desperate, just buy chocolate- and a lot of it. The bonus is if you buy enough, you'll end up having some yourself, especially if you've cunningly given it to the kid with the dairy intolerance.