Warrnambool’s Blake family was rocked to its core when their son and brother Seamus took his own life just weeks after he turned 20.
The promising footballer left behind an entire world of family and friends who never knew the demons he was battling inside his head, the demons he urged his mates to look out for in a goodbye letter.
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Among his final written words was a harrowing message.
“If you’ve got any issues like I had, please don’t leave it too late.”
Seamus’s parents and siblings share their story, in the hopes it will prevent future further tragedy.
‘I wouldn’t wish this on anyone’
No words can describe the pain of losing someone you love.
Rodney (Snake) and Jo Blake now live without their son Seamus, who took his life last October – just three weeks after his 20th birthday.
The Warrnambool family said if Seamus thought his choice solved anything, he was wrong.
“If he had known the pain he left behind, he wouldn’t have done it,” Mr Blake said.
“He was a very kind boy.”
The Blake family spoke with Warrnambool’s The Standard in the hope of preventing suicide and saving other families from the loss they live with.
“I wouldn’t wish this on anyone,” Mrs Blake said.
“Sometimes it’s scary how much it hurts. It frightens me.
“If we can get one person to get help, then that’ll be something.”
Pictures lining the walls of the Blake family home show a happy young man surrounded by family and friends who loved him.
“That’s why it was such a shock,” Mr Blake said.
“Seamus hid it so, so well.”
Growing up, Seamus was as an active boy.
“He was a handful; a larrikin,” Mrs Blake reflected. “He idolised his older brother (Lewis).”
Seamus was a “boy’s boy”.
“He had the whole of his life to live,” Mr Blake said.
Mrs Blake said he was good at his job.
“He was full of beans, full of life, a real joker,” she said.
“He wasn’t just our son, he was a good friend and I miss that.”
"Sometimes it’s scary how much it hurts. It frightens me. If we can get one person to get help, then that’ll be something."
- Jo Blake
As silence fell over the family, Mr Blake, searching for answers, asked how could young people possibly have problems that huge.
“He left us a letter,” he said.
“He said he was sorry he couldn't bring it up with us.
“He knew I had his back. He was such a proud individual. To have a chink in his armour like depression… buggered if I know.”
Mr Blake said he couldn’t get his head around it.
“You can’t f...ing do anything about it when you’re dead.”
Mrs Blake said her son wanted others to find a way to overcome depression.
“He left a note to his mates that said, ‘If you’ve got any issues like I had, please don’t leave it too late’,” Mrs Blake said. “I don’t have a son anymore.”
Gesturing to his daughter Marni and eldest son Lewis, Mr Blake added: “They don’t have a younger brother.”
The Blake family begged anyone suffering in silence to seek help.
“It’s just like being physically crook,” Lewis said.
“You go to the doctors, you get better. Letting it out is the hardest part. It’s got to be uphill from taking that first step.”
Mrs Blake echoed her son: “Just let someone know. There are so many people to support you and life will get better.”
Six months since Seamus’ death, Mrs Blake said the pain would never go away.
“It breaks your heart all over again to know he was suffering so much and you didn’t see it so you couldn’t help,” she said.
“If he had reached out, we would have helped.”
How can communities help? Strengthen resolve, mental health manager says
Sustained community resolve is a key to preventing suicide and its devastating impacts.
John Parkinson understands the torment that eats away at those left behind. The St John of God mental health manager says it is up to society as a whole to prevent further loss.
“It’s too much to expect services to turn it all around,” he said.
“It’s society that needs to take responsibility and show care.”
In a world of ever-increasing stress, deadlines and commitments, Mr Parkinson said it was important to just stop and talk.
“We’re so busy doing what we do that we never stop to see if it’s right,” he said.
Mr Parkinson said change could just be slowing down enough to show genuine concern and care.
“We need to be open about our thoughts and feelings and be open to seeking help.”
Over time barriers surrounding the mental health conversation would be broken down.
We’re so busy doing what we do that we never stop to see if it’s right...
- John Parkinson, mental health manager
Mr Parkinson said with an ounce of common sense it was impossible to say the wrong thing.
“We just need to invite a conversation and instill hope that it isn’t forever,” he said.
“The time that you choose and how you talk can invoke more meaning and care than your words.”
To show someone that help is available and make a difference for them would be the biggest thing.
“We all need to feel we’re loved and cared for,” he said.
The warning signs are small, but they’re there
Someone who is thinking about taking their own life will usually give clues or signs to those around them.
Suicide prevention starts with recognising the warning signs, taking these warning signs seriously and speaking out.
St John of God’s John Parkinson and beyondblue highlighted the following signs that may indicate someone is at risk of suicide.
This risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased. Here’s what to watch for.
Physical
- Excessive or disturbed sleep
- Increased or loss of appetite
Behaviour
- Withdrawn and isolated
- Not as social
- Loss of self-esteem
- Inability to make decisions
- Wearing darker, longer or loose fitting clothing even in warmer weather
- Risk taking behaviours that are out of character and reckless
- Personal care and hygiene changes
- Increased alcohol or illicit substance use
- Relationship break down
- Mood change from sad and empty for a period of time to suddenly happy and calm
- Finalising affairs, completing wills and finalising debts, giving away personal effects
Feelings
- Irritable or anxious
- Sad or empty
- Disconnected
- Hopeless or helpless
Conversations
- Preoccupation with talking about death and morbid subjects
- Topics centre around guilt, escape, loneliness or helplessness
- Believing there is no future
- Saying goodbyes
- Responding to signs
Talking to someone about their thoughts and feelings can be difficult but if there is concern for their welfare it is better to speak out. Giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief and may reduce the risk of that person taking their own life.
Have the conversation
- Create an opportunity to talk in private to show genuine care and concern
- Be curious about their thoughts and feelings
- Instill hope. There are many ways that they can be helped
- Be sincere and express that you are there for them and open to talking when they are ready
- Suggest they might feel more comfortable talking to a counsellor, doctor, Lifeline, Beyondblue or someone else
If you or someone you know needs help contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Headspace on 1800 650 890.
If you are in an emergency situation, or at immediate risk of harm to yourself, please contact emergency services on 000.