IF YOU'VE been trying to steer clear of every elf on the shelf in a shop, it's harder than you'd think.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
I have been avoiding eye contact with them for the whole month of November. Possibly October too. They're everywhere now; even in my favourite bookshop.
Nothing against elves. I just don't want to dial up the Christmas countdown until December.
Since early November my eldest child has been asking daily if she can mention how many days left until Christmas.
"Let's count down from December 1," I say.
"Okay," she says, "I won't mention it but can we watch The Polar Express this weekend!?"
“Well, that’s a no from me,” I say.
Instead we watched The Secret Life of Pets.
Then on Sunday night Prime 7 aired the Christmas-themed rom-com Love Actually (2003). Already!! It was so wrong, it had to be right!
Despite the fact we already own this DVD and I've seen it conservatively-speaking about 45 times, I watched the whole thing punctuated with trillions of advertisements until the much-too-late-end of 11.30pm.
It felt like I'd unwrapped all of my Christmas gifts a month early.
However, there is something so positively joyous about Hugh Grant dancing to The Pointer Sisters' Jump you can't help but get in the mood for the Christmas countdown from Friday, weeks after the first elves hit the shelves.
December 1: We will put up Christmas decorations. No tree yet. The kids will complain every day until we get one!
December 2: Go to a Christmas makers’ market out of town.
December 3: Ballet concert rehearsal. A sewing bee to boot.
December 4: We will read a Christmas book and then the youngest won’t want to do her reader.
December 5: Check out the lights on our own street in PJs. The kids, not us so much.
December 6: Still no tree!!!
December 7: Spend 2016 Christmas vouchers before they expire. Pray to the parking Gods.
December 8: A dip at the pool over a Christmas catchup.
December 9: Buy local cherries at the Albury Wodonga Farmers’ Market.
December 10: Watch The Polar Express.
December 11: Wrap two gifts for the Kmart Wishing Tree Appeal.
December 12: Write Christmas cards. Old habits die hard!
December 13: Get a Christmas pine tree. Old habits die hard!
December 14: Put kids in a photo with the Myer Santa. It’s been three years now since I got roped in to the picture in my second best pair of jeans and gardening clogs.
December 15: Monumental ice cream to celebrate last day of school.
December 16: Go to a dance concert.
December 17: Go to a piano concert.
December 18: Get kids to wrap Christmas presents because they’re already bored on the first Monday in the school holidays.
December 19: Read every Christmas book in the house.
December 20: Carols by Candlelight.
December 21: Finally drive around the lights beyond our own street.
December 22: Watch The Polar Express.
December 23: Last farmers’ market to get cherries for Christmas.
December 24: Children’s Christmas church service; one with animals preferably.
December 25: After lunch sneak in Love Actually once more – going ad-free this time!
