One mother recently stood up at a parent forum on pornography and admitted her son had directly quizzed her about anal sex.
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She reported turning "50 shades of purple" before bravely tackling the question, says sexual violence prevention expert Maree Crabbe.
A little awful, uncomfortable, but absolutely necessary, according to the director of the Reality & Risk project.
The pervasiveness of the internet in daily life and increasing use of "smart" devices has changed the way teenagers encounter and consume sexually explicit material.
Forget centrefolds in magazines hidden under the mattress.
For many young people, it's now harder to avoid pornography than to see it.
If your child has access to a mobile phone, laptop, tablet or other internet-enabled device - or if they have friends or family who do - chances are they will see porn, even if they don't go looking for it, according to Ms Crabbe.
Research reveals more than 90 per cent of boys and 60 per cent of girls (13-16 years old) have seen online porn.
Further there's also every chance they will be involved in sharing and even making porn themselves, using mobile phones and webcams to create explicit imagery - because they want to or because they feel pressured to do so by a partner or their peers, Ms Crabbe adds.
IN OTHER NEWS:
About a quarter of young people have sent a nude or nearly nude image of themselves while 42 per cent have received a nude or nearly nude image of someone else.
Meanwhile 69 per cent of sexually active young people have received a nude or nearly nude image of someone else.
More worrying still is that as pornography has become more mainstream, it has also become rougher, harder, and more aggressive.
A recent content analysis of the most popular porn found 88 per cent of scenes included acts of physical aggression, the majority of it against women.
The figures are shocking, unbelievable even, particularly when you consider many parents are unaware of how pervasive pornography has become.
"This is an issue for every Australian family," states Ms Crabbe, who has worked in sexual violence prevention for more than 20 years.
"We're kidding ourselves if we think we are immune to it.
"Since the early 2000s, porn is increasingly playing a role in how young people learn about, think about and experience sexuality."
If parents think about the amount of time a teenager wants to spend on their phone or online ... let alone what they are doing on there.
- David Armstrong, The Scots School Albury
In developing the Reality & Risk project, Ms Crabbe aims to support young people, parents, schools, government and the community to understand and address the influence of pornography.
She will speak at a parent forum in Wodonga on Wednesday, May 29 and deliver a training day for teachers and other professionals the following day.
The event is led by a local steering committee including representatives from Wodonga Council, Gateway Health, the Victorian Department of Education and Training, the Scots School Albury and parent advocates.
Scots School deputy principal David Armstrong says parents and carers are not aware of how easily accessible pornography is to teenagers or how often they are accessing it.
"We know that porn is now the most prominent sexuality educator of young people," Mr Armstrong says.
"It is misinforming them of what to expect and shaping what they consider 'normal'.
"This can lead to high-risk behaviours, including promiscuity, image-based abuse and even sexual assault, which can have acute impacts on wellbeing."
Teenagers are naturally curious; they want to know and see, according to Mr Armstrong.
"But they have unlimited access to this material and are often exposed, even unwittingly, to highly graphic - even illegal - content," he says.
"If parents think about the amount of time a teenager wants to spend on their phone or online ...
"Nearly every parent is grappling with addiction to screens let alone what they are doing on there."
Mr Armstrong likens the issue to an iceberg emerging from the water.
"Some of us have seen the tip but below the surface are the high-risk behaviours, relationship problems and even issues around domestic violence that sit behind it," he says.
"Our aim with the forum is to provide parents with awareness and strategies to support an open dialogue with their children.
"It's a pro-active effort; we know the better informed parents, schools and the wider community can be, the more likely we are to build respectful relationships."
Ms Crabbe says pornography conveys "deeply problematic messages" about men, women, bodies, sex, consent and pleasure.
"It is unfair for us to leave young people to navigate that alone," she says.
"Pornography commonly depicts aggression towards women and utterly normalises unequal gender relationships.
"We know porn reflects and reinforces gender drivers of violence against women."
Parents play a vital role in helping young people critique what they see, not only in porn but in video games, advertising, music videos and other media.
"We want to create a springboard to more important conversations about respect, consent and who they want to be," she says.
- The parent forum is on May 29, Catholic College Wodonga, 6pm-7.30pm, book at eventbrite.com.au
- For more information go to www.itstimewetalked.com.au
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