Daughters who lost their mother. A mother who lost her daughter.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
What the Landman sisters and author Mary Pershall share in their pain is also what brings them together to fight for a better world.
There are complexities to their loss that makes their stories different.
But both tell of mental ill health and the toll it has taken.
The sisters' story begins on Friday, March 20, 2009.
Jessica and Belinda's father left for work in the morning like any other day, leaving his wife Sandra at the breakfast table in their Lavington home.
When he came back that afternoon, Sandra was nowhere to be found and neither was their Ford Falcon.
It raised concern as the 64-year-old was known to leave a note, and "was always home to cook dinner".
That worry became hysteric for Sandra's family when they had not heard from her by the next morning.
They immediately launched an appeal for information with police.
'Missing mum' headlined the front page of The Border Mail on March 25, and flyers were distributed to truck drivers and plastered across the region.
"It was a living nightmare," Belinda said.
"It was the worst eight days of my life, including the day she was found."
Just over a week after Sandra went missing, there was a sighting of the Ford by a member of the public, near Woolshed Falls in Beechworth.
Police found her body soon after.
The reaction for Belinda was instant. Her bubbly, flamboyant personality translated to loud, outward grief.
For Jessica, the pain was internalised, but just as toxic.
"For anyone who loses someone it's a devastating time, but suicide brings an extra complexity to the grieving process," she said.
"It's the lack of closure and not understanding, because you're never going to understand what frame of mind she was in, unless you're in that position.
"When I think about how lonely, desperate and helpless she must have been feeling ... it's soul-destroying.
"I'll never completely comprehend it, but I want to help stop other people from getting there."
Sandra was taking antidepressants for depression and anxiety at the time she went missing.
Belinda says her devoted mum, a well-known lady dedicated to Albury sporting and swimming clubs, had been privately struggling for some years.
"She's always looked after people - her mum died on her 14th birthday and she was the only daughter," Belinda said.
"She lived for the people she loved, and around that time we started leaving home, I think she lost her purpose a bit.
"Then when our grandfather got sick, she put all of her efforts into him, and when he died, she was grieving and lost again.
"I feel like if she had better coping skills, it might have been a bit different.
"I think the stigma was a lot worse back then, and mum's fear of that stigma was one of the things that held her back from getting the specialised support she needed."
The what if game is a sure path to insanity.
But Belinda knows things could and should have been better for her mum.
"Her doctor did convince her two to four weeks before her death to go and see somebody," she said.
"I read a report done at that appointment and things were rated on a scale - it was severe anxiety, severe this and that, the only box that wasn't ticked was 'suicidal thoughts'.
"To me that was a red flag; she was on the brink.
"She was having to wait two weeks to see a psychologist, who she never got to see."
For Sandra Landman the wait was two weeks.
For Mary Pershall's daughter Anna Horneshaw, it was two decades.
Anna is serving a 17-year sentence for murdering the man she lived with in 2015, and it's in jail that she has finally received treatment for her condition.
Mary detailed last year in Gorgeous Girl Anna's struggle with drug addiction and mental health issues, stemming back to when she was in high school and wrote books with Mary about her experiences.
She will speak about how the health system failed Anna at the second Mental Health Gala in July, alongside Jessica and Belinda as guest speakers.
Organiser Bethany Ward, whose own experience caring for her mother led her to launch the gala in 2018, said Mary would sit down with Border mental health professionals before speaking at the event.
"It will give them an opportunity to ask questions as I think a lot of the time, health professionals can go to the text book - it's good when they are pulled back to the person," she said.
"Her experience will resonate, because we have such a big problem with drugs here locally.
"Some of the proceeds from Mary's books go to a place in St Kilda called First Step, a first-of-its-kind rehabilitation hub."
The Mental Health Gala is also putting money back into Border mental health groups and support services, after raising $5000 for Beyond Blue in its first year.
Jessica and Belinda were in the crowd then and met Bethany for the first time.
"They told me about their experience and why they came to the event," Bethany said.
Related:
"It gave them a forum to express how they felt, and they told me the 10th anniversary of their mum's death was coming up.
"I suggested they host the gala, with money raised to be donated in honour of their mum, with something positive coming out of the anniversary."
In the years after Sandra passed, Jessica had contemplated getting involved in events like the gala.
"Early on, I wanted to go, but I'd decide not to because it was all a bit raw," she said.
"I really take my hat off to people like Annette Baker who were able to jump straight in.
"It was hard to think about then, but now you can look back and appreciate the happy times for what they were, instead of what you don't have."
Belinda welcomed the opportunity to stand beside her sister and fight for change in honour of their mum.
"I'm finding I'm having conversations with people all the time," she said.
"The awareness is there, the stigma is going, and people are starting to seek help now, but the problem is they can't get it.
"It's why raising money is so important, to try and improve the services we have, because they're inadequate.
"For me the message would be that it doesn't matter how old you are, who you are or what you do, seeking help and fighting for that help is so important."
- The Mental Health Gala will take place on Saturday, July 27. For tickets, find the gala at www.eventbrite.com.au
- For support, contact Lifeline: 13 11 14.