Stephen Clarke on playing in 10 flags, spending a night in jail and wrestling

BRETT KOHLHAGEN: You played in 10 premierships for Osborne (seven) and Albury (three) between 1991 and 2005. That's one hell of a run.

STEPHEN CLARKE: I was at the right clubs at the right time. I was extremely fortunate to start at Osborne, go to Albury and then finish up at Osborne. I was only ever going to play for those two clubs and never thought about playing anywhere else. I think I played in three losing grand finals along the way.

BK: And it could easily have been more than three couldn't it?

SC: Absolutely. I remember us beating Henty by a big margin in 1998 but we could easily have lost most of the 10.

BK: You debuted for Osborne as a 17-year-old in 1990 and played in flags in 1991 and 1992 and lost the 1993 grand final before joining Albury. How did you find your way to the sportsground?

SC: Pretty much through Tim Scott. He was from Pleasant Hills and we went to school together. I was working at Mars Petcare in Wodonga at the time. I played a few games on permits when Barry Edmunds was coaching in 1993 and the following year I went to Albury.

BK: You played 76 games for Albury and won three flags. Does one stand out?

SC: 1995 was great because it was the club's centenary year and 1997 was good beating Wodonga Raiders after Kenny Howe did his Achilles before the first bounce, but 1996 was pretty special.

BK: Why did 1996 stand out?

SC: We were having a really good year and went into the last game against Wodonga Raiders at full strength and they beat us. The following week we came up against Wang Rovers and Brian Kelly and Glenn Page were out through injury, 'Micki' (Buchanan) and 'Jezza' (Masterson) got reported and we got stitched up by them. Everything was going against us and all of a sudden we were playing Wodonga Raiders at Wodonga Raiders in a knockout final with plenty of injuries. We finished on top of the ladder but each week we were playing sides on their home grounds and 'Spargs' made a pretty big thing about it. Things had ticked along well all year and it looked like turning to poo.

BK: You somehow turned it around though?

SC: That's what made it so memorable. We had six or seven players out against Raiders and 'Spargs' was one of the players who came into the side which was kept pretty hush hush. I don't think he'd played since the previous season. He had everything to lose and to turn up in a final, kick a few goals and play so well was pretty inspirational. We went on to beat Lavington in the grand final.

BK: I know Paul Spargo is a massive fan but your off-field antics probably tested his patience at times. What was your relationship like?

SC: He was a great coach. With 'Spargs' being 'Spargs' we would turn up to training and if we had gotten up to mischief on the weekend we would watch him to see his body language to gauge if he had heard anything. You could usually tell.

BK: You copped a few serves I take it?

SC: In my 50^th game for Albury at half-time I remember him saying to me: 'Clarkey, everything you have touched today has turned to shit'.

BK: That's not how you should remember your 50^th

SC: In another game at Wangaratta at half-time 'Spargs' was giving Andrew Harrison a blast which was extremely rare as we all thought 'Harro' was his favourite player. I thought it was a bit amusing that he'd finally copped a spray. Anyway I must have had a silly smirk on my face and 'Spargs' turned around and said 'what's so funny, what are you smirking about?'. He threw his coaching white board and it hit the roof which caused something to fall down and hit me in the back of the head. Then all this white stuff starting falling onto all the players like it had started snowing. It resembled a Christmas nativity scene.

BK: What did the players make of that?

SC: I remember Darren Howard directly across from me having a chuckle and all the other blokes were trying to keep it together because if they had lost it 'Spargs' would have gone right off.

BK: You upset Glenn Page once too didn't you?

SC: I did. 'Pagey' was taking training one night and we were doing end to end kicking before we started when 'Pagey' called us all in. Just as he called us in I kicked the ball to Jarrod Wolter which missed him and cracked 'Pagey' fair in the crown jewels. It just dropped him. He was lying on the ground in a fetal position with 50 players standing around him in a big huddle trying not to laugh as he moaned on the ground.

BK: How did he react to that?

SC: Once he finally stood up he yelled out: 'Right, you blokes are going to cop it'. He sent us off on a lap while he stormed off to the clubrooms. It took him about 20 minutes to calm down and take training.

BK: You liked a good prank. A few of the Albury blokes stitched up 'Jezza' one night didn't you?

SC: 'Micki', 'Finna' (Marc Duryea), Kenny and 'Jezza' were having a few drinks at my place and we came across this small cactus. Anyway, we decided to put it on 'Jezza's' car seat and encouraged him to go out to his car to get something. So he goes out and sits down and through the house window we could see the car door fly open and him jump out. The street light was right behind him so we could see him on the nature strip with his pants down around his ankles trying to pull prickles out of his backside. It was only a small cactus.

BK: You liked to celebrate a premiership. You had a brush with the law in Wagga didn't you?

SC: We got locked up one night (laughs). After a premiership at Osborne on the Monday and Tuesday we made our way to Wagga and everything closes pretty early up there. I guess we were fairly rowdy with nowhere to go and the coppers rocked up and said: 'What's going on here fellas'. We said we needed somewhere to go and they asked us where we wanted to go so we told them Osborne. They said no worries, jump in the back of the wagon and we will give you a lift. We jumped in and they took us straight around to the clink.

BK: How many of you were involved?

SC: About seven were in the wagon but when we arrived they took three of us in first and then others talked there way out of it.

BK: I'm guessing you were one of the three

SC: I was, along with Keith Hanna and another bloke from Lockhart called 'Westy' who knew some of our blokes. It wasn't too bad. We were singing the Osborne song for a fair while and having a bit of fun. At about 6am, they let us out and sent us on our way. We didn't get in any strife or anything.

BK: It's a well known fact that you enjoyed a post-match wrestle. It backfired once though didn't it?

SC: We were playing Wangaratta Rovers one day and big John O'Donohue accidentally stood on my hand. It blew up so the next morning I thought I'd better go to outpatients to get it checked out. On arrival I ran into Tony McEntee who was playing reserves for Albury at the time. He was in a wheelchair so I asked him what happened. He said he hurt it while we were wrestling at the clubrooms the night before and needed to get a reconstruction.

BK: It sounds like a good wrestle?

SC: I was shattered. I just turned around and left and didn't bother getting my hand checked. I felt really bad about it.

BK: You made The Border Mail once for turning up to a game at half-time.

SC: I was doing night shift at Mars Petcare and finished at 7am. I had an arrangement with 'Spargs' that I would just turn up an hour before the game. On this occasion we were playing at Lavington and in the pre-game meeting Spargo asked where I was. 'Finna' said I was on night shift but everyone soon forgot about it and it was only as the players were running out on the ground that the side realised we were one short.

BK: What did the club do?

SC: The team sheet had been handed in so nobody could be added to the list. I think it was Greg Davidson who tracked down Grant and Paula Broughton who knew where I lived. Paula apparently knocked on the door but I didn't hear it. So she came around to my bedroom window and started knocking. It woke me up as all I could hear was 'Stevie, Stevie do you know what time it is.' Then she started again with 'Stevie, Stevie do you know what time it is.' I madly got ready and arrived at the ground just before half-time.

BK: Did Albury win the game?

SC: We did win. What I found funny about it was that if it had been Glenn Page or Stephen Ash or one of the big stars everyone would have noticed they were missing but they just forgot about the little backman.

BK: You were given some big jobs in defence for Albury over your 70 matches. Who were your most dangerous opponents?

SC: In the Ovens and Murray, 'Sheepy' McInnes and Anthony Ross probably stood out. I was back-pocket and back flank and they had plenty of pace and skills. You couldn't afford to give them any space as three touches could result in three goals.

BK: What about the Hume league?

SC: Wayne Edwards, who had earlier played for Osborne, was a terrific and fair player for Walbundrie but if someone was scragging or hanging on to him he wouldn't be happy. As a young bloke I was shit scared and wasn't game to lay a finger on him. I remember I went to raise my elbow once and Wayne just said: 'I wouldn't do that if I was you young fella'. He was fair but if you crossed the line you knew you would where one. Michael Hewitt from Lockhart was a dangerous left-footer as well.

BK: You won two Azzi medals at Osborne didn't you in 2000 and 2001

SC: I think the umpires got it wrong those years. I'm not sure what happened there. I was in the centre and shook the umpires' hands at the start of the game so they must have just remembered that and the fact that I didn't abuse them.

BK: You played in premierships under Spargo and Buchanan at Albury and also had a great run of coaches at Osborne didn't you

SC: I was extremely fortunate. 'Nobby' (Rob O'Connell) was my first coach and then Neil Pleming who was a bit like Spargo in that he could get cranky. Gavin Graetz didn't need to say a lot but he was a big centre half-back with the nickname 'Scary' and then Craig Smith, Shayne Weidemann and my good mate 'Micki'.

BK: You weren't sold on Craig Smith when Osborne approached him were you?

SC: I'd played against Craig when he was at the Raiders and he was the enemy. Then 'GT' (Gary O'Connell) rings me and says we are talking to him about coaching at Osborne. I didn't think it was a good idea. I thought he was a bit of a pretty boy.

BK: Gary asked you to go and see Smith to help get him over the line.

SC: I went to Craig's work at Reece Plumbing and had a chat. When 'GT' says jump, you say how high.

BK: You ended up being his biggest fan.

SC: For a bloke who had played at the highest level for Richmond, had four young kids and had to drive 90 minutes to Osborne, he was unbelievable. He led from the front, was as hard as nails and went above and beyond with everything he did.

BK: Where did you get your passion for flying?

SC: My old man (Graeme) had a little Cessna 172 on the farm and that was probably where it started. Although I was a fitter and turner by trade, I got my private pilots licence when I was 18 or 19 and when I was about 30 I got my commercial licence. I was flying in Albury for Smartair doing charter and instructing before I got accepted by the Royal Flying Doctors in Queensland about five years ago. I originally went to Mt Isa before I moved across to Rockhampton, which is where I am now.

BK: I imagine it would be a very rewarding job?

SC: You go to work each day not sure where it is going to take you but more than likely you will end up at Brisbane at some stage during the shift. We have 20 aircraft in Queensland with 88 nurses, 60 doctors and 66 pilots. At the Rockhampton base we flew 2500 people to specialist and emergency care last year doing 4000 hours of flying. I think we covered 1,488,000 kilometres.

BK: What area do you cover?

SC: It's common to go to Townsville, out to Longreach, down to Brisbane and anywhere in between. I'm still going to places I've never been. We occasionally go up to Cairns. I'd say 80 per cent of our work is hospital transfers and we do get P1s (emergencies) which makes up probably 10 per cent of our work.

BK: Finally, out of the seven flags at Osborne. There must be a stand-out?

SC: There are probably two. In 2001, Holbrook flogged us during the year including in front of Tony Lockett in our centenary game and we were able to bounce back and win the premiership. The other one was 1999 when we beat Lockhart by one point. Lockhart were undefeated that year and were beating us by 94 points at one stage in an earlier final. I had Albury mates come out for the grand final for a look and they left at half-time because we were down by 20-odd points.